As the morning dawned...
Uh...I don't quite know how to begin... Okay, well, let me start by introducing myself, I'm Hecate. Yes, the goddess of night and death in Grecian times. Her story is quite like mine. She started out as a benevolent, loving goddess and then becomes the overlord of night. You don't believe how much I hate that name.
I merely say it and they turn their backs on me. Hecate Malfoy. It's an unfortunate name and an unfortunate person, Hecate is. You see, I am also another person. That's the whole problem and to add to that my life is collapsing around me.
I am Lucius Malfoy's wife. His wife, what a joke! I'm his chattel, his ornament. I was born to an old Wizarding family called McNair. I have the purest blood you can find. The strangest thing is, it doesn't matter to me. I have a son called Draco. The Dragon. It's such a beautiful name, meaning strength, valour and also honour. Sadly, Draco doesn't fill his name well. Oh, why blame a seed for growing up into a tree? That's how he was brought up, to respect nothing but the Dark Lord.
The son I wish I had...is Harry Potter. You see, I have known Sirius, Lily, Lupin and James for quite a while. I've loved Sirius Black for quite a while. If the Dark Lord ever captures Harry...I will free him. It will be my lasting tribute to the one I love and my only friends. In life, he can never love the whole me. He can never love Hecate. It is too much to ask for...my lives diverge, forever growing more apart. That's why it's so empty.
I am also Lyia Duora. It's not like I have a split personality...it's more like I thought up the person I wanted to be and then lived her. I got special permission from Dumbledore to use a time-turner. In Hogwarts, I was both in Slytherin and Gryffindor. Hecate McNair, the icy blonde, was the cold hearted Slytherin, while Lyia Duora, the raven-haired girl, was the courageous Gryffindor.
Albus Dumbledore understood. A great man, Albus...You see, I'm like an actress, I put on Hecate's role...but the real me, ironically my 'created' life, is Lyia. I never have really embraced the Dark Lord. I still remember the day Sirius and I met...

I climbed into the carriage quickly, just in the nick of time. I sat down, taking deep breaths. Two boys came in. I looked at them and smiled a little. Both were cute. One had blue eyes and tousled black hair and the other had such....dashing looks. Both had mischievous mouths. They smiled back.
"Hi, I'm James Potter."
"And I'm Sirius Black."
"Hi, I'm Lyia Duora. So, are you both from Wizarding families?" I asked, nervously.
"Uh huh." Sirius said. James nodded too. "How about you?"
"Muggle father, witch mother." I replied, easily. My story was well rehearsed.
"So, which house do you think you'll be in?" James asked. "I hope I'm in Gryffindor...no hopes of being in Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff? Work and James Potter don't mix." He said, laughing. A knock sounds at the door. It opens a little.
"Hi...uh, is there any space here?" I nod and she comes in. "Hi, I'm Lily, Lily Marleno." A copper haired, green-eyed witch entered.
"I'm James Potter, this is my best friend, Sirius Black and this is a girl that Sirius fancies called Lyia Duora." Jame said. Sirius lunged for him. "Ha! Take that back, James!" He says, laughing.
"Okay! Okay! You don't like her! In fact, you hate her! Now gerroff!"
"Well now...I don't hate her...aww, James!" Sirius sighs. "You must excuse him...when he was really little he got hit by a stray insanity spell..." Sirius laughs and James throws a custard cream at him.
He ducks and it hits me full in the face. "I'm going to get you for that!" I scream and slosh icy pumpkin juice all over James. Some sloshes over Lily and she picks up some exploding bon-bon's and hurls them randomly around. Everyone laughs as the cabin is lit with mini-explosions.

Yes, the very first time. I loved him then too. It was terrible...the year we graduated. It was 'James and Lily' and 'Sirius and Lyia'. We were always teased about how Potter and Black had even girlfriends with same-sounding names.
I swore about Lyia when I was with the Slytherins and cursed the Slytherins when I was with the Gryffindors.
Screw the world, my life wasn't meant to turn out this way. I was meant to be with Sirius. I couldn't use the time turner after I graduated. Leading two lives is anxious and pretty impossible.
You know...I never told him the truth. I never told Sirius who I really was. I wish...I wish I had. Then maybe he would have understood. Maybe he wouldn't have hated me. What does it matter? I hate myself.
That look, that terrible look he gave me when I told him I was leaving. Right after the first time we made love.

"Lyia, I love you so much." Sirius said, touching my cheek.
"I- Sirius...I'm leaving you." I gasped out.
"What?" He asked. "Are you joking? That's not funny!" He said, with this stern Professor McGonagall-look.
"No jokes, Sirius...I'm getting married." I said, turning away. Tears trickled down my face.
"Married? I'll marry you! Who to?" He bellowed.
"I can't marry you...I can't tell you...I can't!"
"Then...all these years? Why, Lyia, why? Why did you make me love you?"
"It was...I didn't mean...I- I'm going." I said and got off the bed. "Goodbye."
I looked back. The look in his eyes paralysed me. I felt a mad desire to tell him it was a joke, but I could not.

Dumbledore told me that Lyia would have to die. He said he couldn't let the real me die. It was against all magical law and all reason. Well, fuck magical law and fuck the world. My life stopped the minute I said goodbye. Albus did say that I could tell Sirius, James, Lily and Lupin, though...I just wasn't brave enough. No, it's my secret. How could I have done that to Sirius? I never used my black wig or my Kwiktan Potion again. They're locked at the bottom of my trunk. With my Comet 200. I was on the Gryffindor Quidditch team...the Keeper. People said I was very good.
It's been a long, long time since I've ridden a broom. It's been a long time since I've been alive.
I've tried to love Draco...but he's just like his father. He wasn't, when he was a little one. He was sweet and innocent. Lucius has no use for innocence. He destroyed it. I suppose I am a failure as a mother. I should have helped Draco, kept him young and caring. Lucius would have murdered me. Poor Draco, he's never known love in his life. Perhaps...some day, once I've forgiven myself, I can forgive him.
The whole family leaves me alone. I have the whole West wing of the Manor to myself. No-one comes except the house-elf. Now that Dobby is gone we have a new one. Twiddle, his name is. They treat him like dirt.
Lucius never comes to my wing. I always go to his. My marriage to Lucius was just one of convenience. He required an heir, I had the blood and possibly- the looks to provide it. He also needs a consort to be present at public gatherings, he loses respect if he doesn't have one.
He always said he wanted a son with my eyes. Like Harry has Lily's. I look at pictures of him and my heart aches for Lily. She was one of my best friends. Sirius still lives. I want to go to him. To tell him that I love him and the reasons why...but I can't. The years have sealed my lips tighter.
Day by day my courage dwindles. I try to keep sane in this house of cold and ice but I am fading.
I will kill myself before revealing my history.

"Mother, Father wants you in the study." Draco says, entering my chamber. "Why am I not allowed here?"
"This is my private chamber. Remove yourself, Draco."
"But why, mother?" He looks around and takes another few steps in.
"Remove yourself or I shall call your father. Now, Draco, you know what he will do." Draco steps out and I get up and follow him. "How are you doing in school?"
"Everyone loves stupid Harry Potter with his stupid scar and his stupid, stupid broomstick...and all the teachers favour that stupid Granger Mudblood!" He complains.
"Draco! 'Mudblood' is not a word I will tolerate in this household." I said. I usually leave my son to his ways, but MudBlood, coming out of a 13 year old wizard was shocking.
"Sorry, mother." He said, but there was insolence in his voice. We entered the study and I waved a hand.
"Leave us now, Draco. Tell Twiddle to fetch some tea to my rooms." He ducks and goes out, being perfectly obedient in front of his father. "You wanted to see me, Lucius?"
"Yes, Hecate. I will be going out of town for some time. A few weeks, perhaps. I just want you to make sure Draco reaches Hogwarts personally. You must go there. I want you to deliver something to Severus Snape." He hands me a roll of parchment. "It's rather, uh, private, Hecate, please don't read it."
"Of course not, Lucius." I said. "Have a good journey."
"Thank you, Hecate, you may leave now." I bowed my head slightly and strode out of the room.
*~*~*~*~*
My son ignored all rules and just walked straight into Platform 9 and three quarters. Thankfully, the Muggles didn't notice. I leaned on it and appeared into the colourful world of Wizardry. The scarlet Hogwarts train stood right in front of me.
Fond and beautiful memories entered my mind. I sighed and spotted Draco, talking to some large people that could only be Crabbe and Goyle's sons. Then I saw him! Harry. He wasn't even looking at me but I felt he knew me. A whistle blew. I climbed into the Express and looked for the compartment where I had sat the day I met Sirius. It was still empty, so I sat next to the window.
I had a feeling Draco didn't want me around. Soon, a red haired boy and a bushy haired girl entered the compartment.
"May we sit here?" She asked. I knew who it was, it was Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley, Harry's friends.
"Of course." I said, against my better judgement. If Lucius or...the Dark Lord found out I sat in the same compartment as Harry Potter they would be suspicous of me for sure. I couldn't care less.
Harry came in. "Oh, hello." He said, seeing me. I smiled.
"I'm Hermione Granger, this is Ron Weasley and he's Harry..." Hermione trailed off, not wanting to reveal Harry's name. Harry didn't like people gawking at his scar.
"Harry Potter." I said.
"You recognised me." He said, disappointed.
"Of course...Lily Potter's eyes are unforgettable." I said, softly. I don't know why I said that. I should have kept by mouth shut.
"You knew my parents?" He asked. He looked afraid that I would say no.
"Yes, in fact, I met them right in this compartment...that's why I sat here." I looked around, wistfully. "I met Sirius here, too...don't, don't tell anyone, will you?"
"What's your name?" Ron asks. He's gazing at me intently. He looks as if he's recognised Draco's cold, grey eyes.
"I-my name is-..." I need not have hesitated.
"Mo-ther! What are you doing?" Draco asks, blasting the door open. "Come on, let's go."
I should have put up a fight. I didn't. I just got up and left. Quietly, silently...docile, like the woman I was trained to be. I could hear them talking about me.
"Draco Malfoy's mother!" Hermione exclaimed.
"That was Hecate Malfoy. She's the sister of McNair, the executioner who tried to kill Buckbeak." Ron said, grimly.
"She seemed...okay, you know? How did she know my parents?" Harry said as I walked out of range.
I sat in a compartment full of raucous Slytherins. Pansy Parkinson seemed to hang onto my son a lot. It was quite sickening, but I just looked at the scenery.
A plump witch brought in the snack tray and I bought all the Slytherins chocolate frogs and iced pumpkin juice. Iced pumpkin juice. It seemed as if I was transported back in time. I wasn't Draco Malfoy's mother, I was Lyia Duora. I shook my head and banished these impossible thoughts from my mind.
~*~*~*~*~
Once the pumpkin-carriages had set us down my son ran off with his friends. I made my way to The Great Hall for the sorting ceremony. My mind hazed over as I sat through the ceremony, barely registering my surroundings. I looked fondly at the Sorting Hat. Dumbledore had talked to it before the ceremony and it knew what it would do. It had a nice personality. It actually joked that this was the first time and how I should feel pretty important. I saw Dumbledore. After he said a few words (nonsensical, as usual) I went over to say hello.
"Professor Dumbledore." I say. I could call him Albus now, but it didn't seem too...right.
"Ms. McNair...or Malfoy...or what is it?" He asks, good naturedly.
"Hecate, Professor. How are you?" I query.
"Oh, I haven't broken down yet...still a while to go. So why are you here?" He knew that I wouldn't just come to Hogwarts for a pleasure excursion.
"I have to give a letter to Severus. Lucius' orders." I say, wearily. "How- how is uh..." I wanted to ask how Draco was doing, but my mouth kept wanting to say 'Harry'.
"Draco doing? He's doing as well as can be expected, Hecate. I see you haven't played too much a part in his upbringing."
"No, I haven't-...look, it's Severus! I'd better go give it to him then. I can't hang around too- too long."
"You are welcome to stay for a few days." I stopped. What harm could it do?
"I'd like that, Professor, thank you." I accepted.
"We'll put you up in a spare room near the Slytherins-..."
"No!" I interrupted. He gazed at me mildly. "Please, Professor, not near them."
"We'll put you in one of the towers, then." I nodded and glided gracefully towards Severus.

Grace is something we are taught. I have been taught to be the perfect wife for Lucius. Icy hair, sub-zero eyes, pale skin, skinny with a graceful gait. Never look as if you're taking orders from anyone except Lucius or the Dark Lord. Never look too insolent. Fade into the background. Merge with your surroundings. Be well liked by his society, but not more well liked than your husband.

"Severus." I said, stopping him. He turned his hook-nosed gaze towards me.

He wouldn't be happy to see me. You see, Severus found a half finished note- a note to Sirius. I hadn't signed it yet so he thought it was from Hecate. Severus had already been half killed by Sirius, and now this. He loved me, you see. He loved Hecate. He thought I cheated everybody when I married Lucius. That made him hate Sirius, but surprisingly, not Lucius. I think he knew that I didn't love him and thought that was punishment enough. A love-less life.
But, also, Lucius didn't have a happy life...Sirius had friends and happiness, you see, he was jealous. He didn't think such a callous person deserved love, friendship and happiness. Draco tells me Potions is his favourite class and that Severus is the best teacher. Severus favours Draco because of me. I haven't seen him in at least 10 years.
I suppose I achieved ultimate unhappiness. Hecate wasn't happy and neither was Lyia. I should have just married Severus...but his family was not as well respected as the Malfoys. My brother would never have let me.

"Hecate. Yes? Can I be of assistance?" He asks, coldly.
"Oh, Severus, why can't you just say 'hello, it's been a while?'?" I asked. He wasn't a bad man, Severus Snape. Just a bitter one.
"Why should I, Hecate? I don't know you any more." I sighed.
"Here, it's from Lucius. He told me to come here and give it to you personally." Out of the corner of my eye I saw Harry and his friends. Severus was white. "I'm sorry, Severus..." Lucius probably sent a threat or some such thing.
Ever since Snape defected, all of The Dark Lord's supporters have vowed to kill him.
"That's all right. I must- leave. Goodbye Hecate." He said, and walked away. Sadness welled in me. Darkness was all around.
"Hello, Mrs. Malfoy." Harry said, stopping. I turned and smiled.
"Hello Harry. My name is...Hecate, all right?"
He hesitated and then nodded quickly. "I've got to go...bye." He said, as he was swept up by the tide of people rushing to their dormitories.
I decided to pay Hagrid a visit. He never really showed any active dislike for Hecate...as I walked down to his hut I saw a huge animal tied up in front.
Another one of his monster-pets. As I neared closer, however, the outline became clearer and clear. I soon realised that it wasn't a monster...it was a huge, black dog. My heart thumped. Sirius.
It was the first time since I'd left him that I'd felt that. I extended a trembling hand to pet it.
It backed away, growling. "Eh? Wot is it, Snuffles?" The huge, booming voice of Hagrid sounded. He opened the door and looked at me. "Eh, 'oo're you?" He asked, obviously not recognising me.
"Hecate, Hagrid. It's Hecate McNair." His face darkened. With a little flush I remembered how my brother had tried to kill his pet, Buckbeak. "I'm sorry...for what my brother tried to do..."
"Yeah, s'not yer faul', is it? C'min, 'ecate." He sighed.
"Thank you, Hagrid." I stepped into his cosy little hut.
"Yer married to that Malfoy, aren't ye?" I nodded my head limply. "I allus wondered why ye went an' did that. That Snape, he woulda married yer...better man, Snape, got is faults but ye can look underneath. 'E used to come an' tell me 'is problems in school...about you an' them Gryffindors." Hagrid stopped and almost blushed. "I'm sorry, Missus Malfoy, tha' was outta line."
"No...Hagrid, please. My name is Hecate. My brother...he wanted me to marry Lucius Malfoy. I don't care anymore, Hagrid." My legs twitched to go outside and talk to Sirius.
"Why, what's the matter, 'ecate? If anything's wrong, we're allus here fer 'elp." He said.
"No, it's just that everything's wrong, Hagrid. I'd better leave now...good bye." I got up and left, not even looking at the dog that was Sirius Black.
~*~*~*~*
I woke with a start. It was one in the morning. I wondered why I had woken. There was a queasy, unsettled feeling in my stomach. I had to go see Sirius. I rummanged around my trunk for my wig and Potion.
I looked in the mirror and the smiling face of Lyia Duora looked back. A happy face. My face. I kept thinking of all the times Sirius and I had spent together as I walked to Hagrid's Hut.
I wondered if he could find it in his heart to forgive me. If he could accept my other self. Yes, now I was sure. I had to tell him.
It didn't matter any more because I was dying. Using time-turners has much ill effect on the human body. It messes with everything and weakens your mind and soul. Dumbledore told me so, and the amount I used it, my body was completely battered. I suppose he understood that that was a better life for me. I'll never regret it. Never.
Plus the facts that I live in a household filled with Dark Magic and I don't have the will to live.

The great, black dog was asleep. I sat quietly next to him and whispered.
"Sirius." He woke up and started to growl. Then he stopped and moved back. He started to glow and turned into the man I love.
"Lyia?" He croaked. I hurled myself into his arms.
"Yes, it's me...Sirius, I love you!" I said. He pushed me away.
"What? Why after all this time? I thought you were married?!"
"I am...Sirius, I finally found the courage to tell you...watch." I took out a rag from my purse and wiped off my face. Sirius stood, open-mouthed. Finally I removed my wig.
"Hecate McNair! What are you doing, impersonating Lyia?" He shouted.
"Sirius, I am Lyia." I held his hand and explained it all to him. At the end, his shoulders slumped.
"Why are you telling me this Ly- Hecate? You belong to someone else. Draco Malfoy is your son! What shall I do?" He buried his face in his hands. I stood, transfixed.
"I should not have told you! I'm sorry...I'm so sorry!" I sobbed. He hugged me tightly and whispered in my ear.
"Lyia...I love you." He said. My years of darkness were lit. "I will love you forever. To eternity, Lyia. In life and death."
"In life and death. Whatever we do, Sirius, that will hold. I am dying...I used the time-turner too much...but in death, too, Sirius, there is love." I tilted my face upwards and he kissed me.
That was enough to last me till I die. Then...later, he and I would be together.
"Goodbye...for now." He whispered. I touched his face and left.
*~*~*~*~
Sirius had finally forgiven me. My life changed. In that single moment. Hatred could never wipe out love.
It would exist always, in the oddest of places. Who would have thought that the Potter's best friend and Lucius Malfoy's wife would fall in love? I realised that I must find Draco. You see, I finally found a part of me that loves him. I didn't give a fuck about the things he did. He was my son...sometimes I would fantasise that Draco was Sirius and mine. Our son. I don't need to any more, because it doesn't at all matter who his father is...I'm his mother and that's all that counts. That is all that's worth living for.

We were outside our the school, waiting for my carriage to take me to the Malfoy Manor. It wasn't home. I looked down at Draco, and in the early morning mist, his face seemed to glow.
"Draco..." I said, softly. He turned, surprised at the lack of hardness in my tone. "Draco, whatever happens...I'm your mother. And I...I love you very much. Never forget that, Draco."
"I-I won't, Mother." His face was quite handsome devoid of the insolent glare.
"Why do you always call me Mother? Call me mum, that's what I am." I laughed.
"I'll remember that...mum." I smiled and hugged him. A proper, full hug.
I stepped into the carriage and waved goodbye to my smiling son.
It wasn't a curling or evil smile, it was a happy...innocent smile. At that moment, I didn't feel to much of a failure at all.
~*~*~*~*
"Hecate." Lucius said, as I walked in.
"Lucius! You're back early."
"Yes...Hecate...you disappoint me." He said, slowly. I swallowed quickly. "Sneaking off to talk to Sirius Black...I'm afraid that...I'll have to ah- help you a little."
I backed away. "Lucius! Please, no!" I said, in spite of myself.
"You really failed that little test we set you but...don't worry, I'm not going to kill you...not if you keep your pretty mouth shut."
He laughed and drew out his wand.
"Imperio!" He said, as the morning dawned.
*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*